First of all, I need to say sorry for not posting in almost a month! YIKES!
As many of you know, last night my Glee episode aired. I was privileged to play the role of Pendelton and was able to sing, dance, and act.
I shot this episode about a month ago and I was on cloud nine that I even booked the job! Counting down the days until it aired, I got more nervous every day. Wondering how I looked, which take they went with, and many other things.
I am from Indiana, so many of my family and friends were able to see it before I was! (Indiana is 3 hours ahead of CA) My mom was there and she said that I looked very cute, but my lines were cut.
As an actress, that is my biggest fear. When just being a guest star on a show, you never know what they are going to do with your lines. The writers and producers main focus in an episode is on the MAIN cast, so if they are over in time and need to cut something, they tend to go to the guest star.
When my mom told me this I was sick to my stomach and immediately started crying. I was thinking:
What did I do wrong?
It is a clear indication that they didn't like me.
I must have been awful.
It didn't even occur to me that there could be a time issue or even the fact that maybe my lines just didn't fit in. Both of those things were the case.
In that moment (and about the next 20) I was so mad at God. Wondering why He blessed me with that speaking part and then take it away? How could He get my hopes up and then do that to me?
I was crushed.
I was with my sister when all of this took place. She kept saying to me, "I can't believe the way you are acting right now. SO many people would kill to be in your position, to even have that opportunity. People would even kill to take a step on that set." I understood what she was saying but I was so caught up in feeling sorry for myself. Then she said "You are letting God down."
That hit me. I knew that I had let God down and I became so afraid that He wouldn't forgive me.
When the show came on that night, I still had speaking lines. Just not all of them. Plus I was seen a lot in the dance! I was more than happy and I was ashamed at how I acted to God earlier.
There is no reason for you to ever doubt God. He always knows what is best for you. Even if it hurts, there is always a smile and His open arms waiting to hold you.
Romans 8:28 says--
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
I asked God for forgiveness. And just like that, He forgave me. How often do you doubt something? Think you aren't good enough? Or even question "why"?
You don't need to ask or doubt. God has everything already planned and it will all work out if you stay faithful to Him. Forever and always!
